{"id":7797,"date":"2023-08-03T06:43:00","date_gmt":"2023-08-03T06:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/?p=7797"},"modified":"2023-08-03T07:04:17","modified_gmt":"2023-08-03T07:04:17","slug":"the-nine-days-retreat","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/sangha-admin\/the-nine-days-retreat\/","title":{"rendered":"The nine days retreat"},"content":{"rendered":"
<\/h6>\n
The nine days retreat was a profound experience. I had a really good time. The
\nmain theme was explorations of anatta but there were beautiful openings in
\nsamadhi, and interestingly without intentionally choosing so, the last two days
\nwere very imaginal.<\/h6>\n
I – Anatta:<\/h6>\n
I started by visiting each aggregate relaxing both identification and
\nappropriation. When the experience did not relax or fade, I used analytical
\nreasonings to incline the citta towards a fully sustained anatta view
\n(impermanent, not in my full control, just a perception, fabricated because
\ndependent on clinging).<\/h6>\n
In the past, I had focused mostly on identification (not self) and you invited
\nme last summer to investigate appropriation (not mine) in more depth. Relaxing
\nappropriation worked particularly well for objects that were felt as external
\n(sights and sounds) because the citta seems to reify them more as belonging to
\nthe self than as part of the self. The dukkha associated with appropriation
\ncould be felt and released. Particularly when contemplating nature with eye and
\near, freeing a percept from the self increased its beauty and vibrance. Also
\nlooking at my loved ones through the lens of anatta brought a strong sense of
\nfreedom and love. I also started practicing in a receptive mode: in each
\narising perception, the object can be seen as not mine, subject as not self, and
\nthe action (such as seeing) as not mine. Seeing intentions, actions, and
\nmovements of the attention as not self was also incredibly beautiful and
\nfreeing. The interaction between anatta, clinging and the fading of perception
\nwas clear on every aggregate and sense sphere.<\/h6>\n
A very significant discovery was seeing clearly that when anatta is applied
\non seeing, hearing, feeling, then the sense of the watcher in each sense sphere
\ndissolves and at the end this unfolds in a way of looking where there is no
\ncenter: vastness of awareness. Vastness of awareness had opened in previous
\nretreats and it had become my main practice in previous years. But my
\nunderstanding of the state was incomplete and I could not go further. That’s
\nwhere you started working with me on one on one. Because vastness had opened,
\nmy understanding of anatta came mostly from vastness of awareness (just a
\nperception) and not the other way around. Making the trip the other way from
\nanatta to vastness of awareness step by step and working on each sense sphere,
\nincreased my understanding of the state, why it does open, and why the
\nbackground feels as conscience. I understand what has to be removed from the
\n“usual” selfing state to go to vastness of awareness; and that is a sense of a
\ncenter \/ discrete watcher in all sense spheres. I’m very happy because my
\nunderstanding of both anatta and vastness of awareness are much more precise and
\nI can clearly discriminate and identify their particularities.<\/h6>\n
This paved the way to a second important insight: before I was reifying
\nconsciousness as something containing experience. By seeing how vastness of
\nawareness could be arrived at by dissolving the sense of the observer; and
\nseeing the background as “just another perception”; I realized I was fabricating
\na big idea about consciousness which was not there. It became possible to
\ncontemplate consciousness as just the knowing of a perception and the knowing
\nof knowing. Then the citta intuitively understood the co-arising between
\nperception and consciousness: one cannot exist without the other.<\/h6>\n
This brought a lot of freedom and much understanding: it clarified the
\naggregates of perception and consciousness which were still a bit unclear for
\nme; it allowed to see consciousness as “just knowing” which made it less solid.
\nOne interesting side effect is that it removed my fear of the anicca practice.
\nBefore, I was afraid of anicca practice and tended to avoid it: in particular
\nfast anicca where everything becomes vibratory and there are gaps in experience.
\nRealizing the inseparability of consciousness and perception made anicca
\nperfectly ok; there was no \u00ab big consciousness \u00bb that was going to be destroyed
\nin the gaps. It allowed a beautiful way of looking where
\nconsciousness\/world\/self is born and dies hundreds of times a second at every
\narising and passing away. Rob warns in his book that this view is provisional
\nbecause it reifies time, yet it felt very profound and beautiful. As a result,
\nthe fear of anhilation in anicca practice is gone and fear of death seems also
\nweakened: nothing mine will be lost and I’m already dying all the time. After
\nthis view arose, I felt fearlessly equanimous.<\/h6>\n
II – Samadhi:<\/h6>\n
I used peace, joy and less fabrication as a guiding compass for correct
\npractice. So whenever, the citta became attached or agitated, I practiced
\nsamadhi sometimes introducing a flavor or intention of metta. Because it was
\nseen as a side practice, there was no pressure to perform. This
\nallowed the samadhi to flower beautifully. During the retreat, I could revisit
\njhanas one and two which I know well and can reenter by recalling their felt
\nsense. Jhana three is also accessible sometimes, I should spend more time to
\nfamiliarize myself with it. There were some experimentations in entering first
\njhana through other sense doors; in particular sounds (fun) or sight (much much
\npowerful for me than body jhana, but did not pursue it because I became
\nover-energized and manic for the next walking period). Mostly I practiced with
\nthe breath and the body. I understand better now the movement of rest and
\nrelaxation that can be found in the jhanas; how each one is more subtle and more
\ncalming for the citta. In the middle of the retreat, it became clear that the citta
\naspired to more and more calm states, and both vipassana and samadhi were leading there
\nand seen as a movement towards rest.<\/h6>\n
Sometimes during samadhi, I used anatta to relax and unbind objects that were
\nperceived as dukkha. At some point this opened a new state, much much much more
\nrestful than previous jhanas. This was new to me, there was a sense of “WOW”. It
\nopened after I had dissolved the sense spheres and had let go the remanents of
\nthe sense of the body, I had to let go deeply of control; the state was not
\n“perfect” (some of the sense spheres were not completely faded) but it was a
\nprofound experience. After checking Rob’s book, it could be the fifth jhana. I
\njust stayed a few moments and got out into another jhana which I could not
\nidentify well (maybe four ? there was a sense of perfect neutrality). The after
\neffect during the next walking period was one of perfection: everything seemed
\ncrystal clear and perfect as it was.<\/h6>\n
III – Images:<\/h6>\n
This report is too clinical to do justice to the imaginal play of shadows that
\nhappened in the last two days. I think after much shunyata, so much
\nunbinding, the citta wanted to bind. There was a balancing movement towards form.
\nI will only speak of one of the images which visited me, it’s a familiar image,
\nprimal, it smells of earth and blood, a powerful lion that comes from times
\nbefore the words were spoken. This time it arose from deep down the belly,
\nroaring, taking control of my mouth and biting through me. With it came a demand
\nfor expression, creation, and strong sexual desires.
\nI did not feel respectful to the image to repress the sexual desires in classic
\n“Theravada” fashion, yet I was still in retreat under nine precepts. Because
\nthe anatta way of looking was powerful, I just gave full autonomy to the image:
\nnot me, not mine. In particular, the sexual desires could be both accepted and
\nseen as not mine. This was powerful because the desire\/image “resolved” itself
\nimaginally, it played its act, manifested its essence, and then unbinded.
\nDuring the explorations with the sense of appropriation, I sometimes played
\naround switching the sense of object and subject (which is a fun experiment).
\nDuring the retreat I understood that we can do the same with images:<\/h6>\n
either we see the image as ours; I have such familiar
\nimages that arise sometimes and that I see as a part of my psyche.
\neither we see the image as not ours, fully autonomous, which can lead to what
\nhappened above.
\na third possibility which feels powerful and I want to try, giving ourselves
\nto the image. Because self is fabricated we can see ourselves as belonging to the image.<\/h6>\n

Views: 90<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The nine days retreat was a profound experience. I had a really good time. The main theme was explorations of anatta but there were beautiful openings in samadhi, and interestingly without intentionally choosing so, the last two days were very imaginal. I – Anatta: I started by visiting each aggregate relaxing both identification and appropriation. When the experience did not relax or fade, I used analytical reasonings to incline the citta towards a fully sustained anatta view (impermanent, not in my full control, just a perception, fabricated because dependent on clinging). In the past, I had focused mostly on identification (not self) and you invited me last summer to investigate appropriation (not mine) in more depth. Relaxing appropriation worked particularly well for objects that were felt as external (sights and sounds) because the citta seems to reify them more as belonging to the self than as part of the self. The dukkha associated with appropriation could be felt and released. Particularly when contemplating nature with eye and ear, freeing a percept from the self increased its beauty and vibrance. Also looking at my loved ones through the lens of anatta brought a strong sense of freedom and love. I also started practicing in a receptive mode: in each arising perception, the object can be seen as not mine, subject as not self, and the action (such as seeing) as not mine. Seeing intentions, actions, and movements of the attention as not self was also incredibly beautiful and freeing. The interaction between anatta, clinging and the fading of perception was clear on every aggregate and sense sphere. A very significant discovery was seeing clearly that when anatta is applied on seeing, hearing, feeling, then the sense of the watcher in each sense sphere dissolves and at the end this unfolds in a way of looking where there is no center: vastness of awareness. Vastness of awareness had opened in previous retreats and it had become my main practice in previous years. But my understanding of the state was incomplete and I could not go further. That’s where you started working with me on one on one. Because vastness had opened, my understanding of anatta came mostly from vastness of awareness (just a perception) and not the other way around. Making the trip the other way from anatta to vastness of awareness step by step and working on each sense sphere, increased my understanding of the state, why it does open, and why the background feels as conscience. I understand what has to be removed from the “usual” selfing state to go to vastness of awareness; and that is a sense of a center \/ discrete watcher in all sense spheres. I’m very happy because my understanding of both anatta and vastness of awareness are much more precise and I can clearly discriminate and identify their particularities. This paved the way to a second important insight: before I was reifying consciousness as something containing experience. By seeing how vastness of awareness could be arrived at by dissolving the sense of the observer; and seeing the background as “just another perception”; I realized I was fabricating a big idea about consciousness which was not there. It became possible to contemplate consciousness as just the knowing of a perception and the knowing of knowing. Then the citta intuitively understood the co-arising between perception and consciousness: one cannot exist without the other. This brought a lot of freedom and much understanding: it clarified the aggregates of perception and consciousness which were still a bit unclear for me; it allowed to see consciousness as “just knowing” which made it less solid. One interesting side effect is that it removed my fear of the anicca practice. Before, I was afraid of anicca practice and tended to avoid it: in particular fast anicca where everything becomes vibratory and there are gaps in experience. Realizing the inseparability of consciousness and perception made anicca perfectly ok; there was no \u00ab big consciousness \u00bb that was going to be destroyed in the gaps. It allowed a beautiful way of looking where consciousness\/world\/self is born and dies hundreds of times a second at every arising and passing away. Rob warns in his book that this view is provisional because it reifies time, yet it felt very profound and beautiful. As a result, the fear of anhilation in anicca practice is gone and fear of death seems also weakened: nothing mine will be lost and I’m already dying all the time. After this view arose, I felt fearlessly equanimous. II – Samadhi: I used peace, joy and less fabrication as a guiding compass for correct practice. So whenever, the citta became attached or agitated, I practiced samadhi sometimes introducing a flavor or intention of metta. Because it was seen as a side practice, there was no pressure to perform. This allowed the samadhi to flower beautifully. During the retreat, I could revisit jhanas one and two which I know well and can reenter by recalling their felt sense. Jhana three is also accessible sometimes, I should spend more time to familiarize myself with it. There were some experimentations in entering first jhana through other sense doors; in particular sounds (fun) or sight (much much powerful for me than body jhana, but did not pursue it because I became over-energized and manic for the next walking period). Mostly I practiced with the breath and the body. I understand better now the movement of rest and relaxation that can be found in the jhanas; how each one is more subtle and more calming for the citta. In the middle of the retreat, it became clear that the citta aspired to more and more calm states, and both vipassana and samadhi were leading there and seen as a movement towards rest. Sometimes during samadhi, I used anatta to relax and unbind objects that were perceived as dukkha. At some point this opened a new state, much much much more restful than previous jhanas. This was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":31,"featured_media":7479,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_bbp_topic_count":0,"_bbp_reply_count":0,"_bbp_total_topic_count":0,"_bbp_total_reply_count":0,"_bbp_voice_count":0,"_bbp_anonymous_reply_count":0,"_bbp_topic_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_reply_count_hidden":0,"_bbp_forum_subforum_count":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[139],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7797","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-retreats"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7797","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/31"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7797"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7797\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7479"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7797"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7797"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/opensanghafoundation.org\/newsite\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7797"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}